In a different life.

One of the reason aku masuk finance, aku suka write up.. dan suka cerita tentang duit. haha .. padahal duit sendiri pon tak banyak, tapi aku suka ilmu.. aku suka bfm..sbb bfm best.. apart of boring songs, content dia terrbaik. Ikim is the num one.. nothing can beat that station, lagi2 pagi kan ada DJ pyann. dgr celoteh dia, nasihat dia .. i guess once being a saunana's fan, always be their fans!

So its normal that my old and ex friemds asked me, bila nak kawen..

Bila nak ada anak..

Truth is guys.. my life is different to you.. ye aku tau ko pon keje, nak jaga anak blablablaa..

My life is 110% dedicated to my mom.

last month, mak jatuh bilik air., mak mmg dah paralyzed area kiri dalam 5 tahun..

Bila mak jatuh tu, mak dah jd mcm paralyzed satu badan.

As i remember, i didnt devastated that much, but i kept crying while driving. seeing my mom cant breath (hardly breathe) made me so sad but deep in my heart, i am ready to let her go to Allah swt

Subhanallah. mak panjang umur, Allah kurniakan rezki mak boleh praktis jalan balik.. nikmat yg tak tetkata.

Many wonders, why ur telling me this?

Hmmm just want to let u know that.. there were some guys that have proposed me, but i reject em slowly and avoiding. in some extent, we moved. yess till that extend.

I still remember the day his mom came to our house, i was working that day. and mom baru exercise dekat hall, she came..but i knew his mom will come. so what i said to my mmon.. "mak, kalau makcik tu dtg, jangan buka pintu".

At first mak marah, mak mcm.. tu tetamu kan.. tak baik tau. dosa.. ohhh i forgot what i have said.. but i came a longggg way to confront this issue and convince her that, mom please let me take care of u as ur the Queen elizabeth.. please mommmm

and mom said yes.

heehheheh

So fahamkan.. kalau aku kawen, huhh.. bullshit la kawen xde anak.. what if that i get pregnant amd i have to carry the 15kgs wheelchair and other things. heavy things and do house chores, working, while i am still progressing my thesis.. what. u wanna said that everything leaves to God? what are u thinking la syaitonnnn ... syaitonirrojim laaa koranggg..

I hardly to curse and say even stupid, but when it comes to me speaking like this, it means i am boiling ..

I bet you guys, u all yg dah kawen kan., berapa banyak masa u boleh tanya keadaan mak korang, masak utk dorang, urut dorang tiap malam, bawa dorang jalan2, hapi2.. after all struggle raising shameless people like u.. mak will always cook for their sons, daughters, and bila kawen, masak utk menanti cuxu.. and then., sakit.. diam sorang2., tak cakap dekat anak menantu., nak cakap takut terasa, kalau terasa, tengok muka cucu sejuk hati.. tak jadi nak merajuk..

I am saying this.. because.. its one one or two of em came to me and told me their stories, its way more than that.. sebab dorg tgk mcm mana aku devoted sangat layan mak..

But of course dia ada contrast, there are a lot of things laah. laki orang kacau la, orang bukan2 datang la, spell by the demons la.. mcm2 tapi ,,..Allah tau, kalau aku gak buat semua ni.. siapa nak defend mak aku? Mak aku dah penat susah, naik turun bas masa besarkan kitorg adik betadik. Takkan aku nak kawen and buat alar kadar?

I am not saying that i am angel. Gosh, i sometimes lose up my mind and sometimes i did silly things too.. but guys, dont provoke me that i say i am still cant get enough of doing my best to my mom!

If i am ready to lose in this life, there's no harm to you.. whats wrong with u people?!?!?!

Allah knows me, He knows you and He knows everything..

Kalau aku tak kawen dekat dunia ni, aku akan jumpa apa yg aku nak dekat akhirat nanti.. aku redha, sedangkan aku yg lalui.. I once said this to the psychotherapist before.. "Dr.. i am ready to get burnt."

and he said., no siti.. ur not.. ur not siti..

but i didnt reply after that.. i just let it be. because allah knows that i really am..