When i was younger, i have tremendous of emotions and i will write about it with mixed feelings. Sometimes, i was writing furiously on my diary, sometimes i was weeping very hard. and till some point, i have become so exhausted. and i'm getting older. and i'm becoming more calm i guess. There were many hurdles since mom got the second stroke and i was like.. really alone getting through this. besides that i know Allah is with me.. but.. yeah.. i was thinking to get married before i reach 30. which is this year.. but, i guess i cant. and i'm becoming more calm..getting to know that its impossible for me to have certain phase in my life. I'm glad that i can avoiding those guys and becoming more eloquent to say that i cant be with em. Which.. sometimes.. i do.. fell like really .. like wanted to spend all of my life as a foster mom and wanted to die early. I'll make a research on what Rasulullah have taught us on certain prayers. I'll pray that i'll