aishasaad

Since i only choose selected people around me. When i got proposed with someone. with several men. so, i was like stunned. nothing like this has ever happened before. With mom keep persuading me to get married. Okey! i will get married. But so now u see, i will take a long break. like long enough. maybe a month. so i wanna know what will happen and i just wanted to look from behind. Its not being someone whom evil. But since people keep forcing me. then, i have no chance to resist. kalau u nak boleh je. i boleh buat. i boleh. insyaallah. I stop the conversation, i took a wudhuk. and i pray to Allah... i talk to Him. even i know Allah already know everything abt this. But this, hmm. this is beyond. I said.. "ya allah, i need someone to talk to. and someone tell me, what should i do" and Allah send someone whom very nice to me all this while. but we're not that close actually. and i speak to her with many things that i'm juggling rn. Its just so sad. ...

Besides of talking to my God.  I also found my serenity with words. and read.  Apparently, these are only my remedies. Cool! I dont need to shop, no vacations, no no no. I just sometimes find something good to eat. Good tips on sudoku, good accompany too. But since i was picky to whom to be closed to me..i only got several people. Around 2 or 3.  I'm that secretive.  Especially with guys.  Whats up with guys?  Are they that dead easily falling into a girl on the internet...  what.. just look on the photos, u already fallen in love?  wanna marry me.. hmm i dont think so.  Although i'm getting older and not that pretty. not that skinny. But those things just bother me. I hope i can be friends just like i was with khairi, mahathir, kacang, puven, sasi, bad.. Nothing exceptional.  I'm writing back bcz i hope and i believed that they don't read this anymore. Its just 4 me.  Talk anything u wan...

Back on 2009, i was 19.. I was so immersed in my world. I imagine that, and i write. But when i gradually older. My perception changes. I try to write im mor matured ways, eloquent style, simple phrases. So the young one can understand me too. I don't write to impress the adult. I write necause i wanna reach the younger one and reach em and talk to them, and we would create 2 way conversation. But of course sometimes i'm gonna write more extensive way and commemorating the advicacy and literacy that we're facing in this country. Look back into my old rare selfie collections, i do feel old. Yes, not comparing to u. To me of course! I still have the sam habit, bring book and pen whenever i'm at. If anything sparks into my mind. I will write and ignore the others. So far, as i'm getting older. Its tough that creating a masterpiece that would link to the youths but still relate to the proffesionals. Gosh, its really something. So this is like a confession of m...

So yesterday, i did something bad. Sebenarnya, aku pon pelik..In what perception that people used to call me someone that can inspire others? Dira letak nama anak dia 'aishah', in commemorating my strengths katanya. Wan kama letak nama anak dia aishah, akak tgkt 12, i already forget her name, letak aishah too. Akak nak dia jd mcm awak. No. its derived from saidatina aishah. siti aishah is no one. But i just kept quite.   I get so overwhelmed by mom's emotion. That's what i've been telling my closed friends that, i'm so afraid of my ending.  Can u imagine that i'll die in tragic ways after struggling so hard to cope with everything and at last. I got none...?  That's the problem. That's the problem. People used to have kind of perception that i am doing so well everytime. Jaga mak sakit ini, bukan senang. I have to handle housechores, my assignments, exams, urut mak setiap kali dia sakit, oh that's not include that she got sick...

Deaths shouldnt get a happy reaction for all of us. Regardless of our faiths (religion). and so, Kim Jong Hyun was found dead on 18 dec, leaving the Kpop fans mourning and devastated.  If only he knew that his life is not end on top of the pitfalls.  If only he knew what ties that will keep his safe and calm.  If he knew that.  Depression can kill.  I was depressed too. I was tragically depressed. And people around me took advantage on that, made me as a scapegoat. Then, i realized. I need to control myself, help myself. Others can do NOTHING.  Even i am a muslim, was born with Islam, I struggle so hard to find eternity. and this success is only when i remember Him.  Malay culture is the worst, compared with my chinese, indians friends on HSBC. Oh, let alone my malay friends on HSBC. They were really genuine.  But, i'm talking of the general issue of malays.  Orang berjaya lebih sikit, caras! Depan2 baik, pi...

Aku adalah anak bongsu, lahir dpd keluarga tak tidak bahagia. Waktu lagu "keluarga bahagia " berkumandang di tv, radio..aku sering berdoa pada Allah. 'Ya Allah, cepatlah hamba membesar..hidup sbg seorang anak yg sering dipukul, didera, terlalu perit. Hidup kami umpama hambanya abdi' cuma tak dijemur bawah terik matahari je time tu. Tapi bila tetkenang waktu skg, aku rasakan itu umpama mimpi. Tapi, aku untung, mak ada di sisi.. Jadi lagu "senyuman ibunda.. Kasih yg dibawa, ikatan terbina. Wujudlah keluarga bahagia, oh bahagia" Oh ya, lagu itu sangat relevan bg aku.  Pada waktu itu, aku jd bersemangat utk membesar sbg anak yg berjaya. Yang akan membela nasib mak ketika tua.. Sama seperti abang-abang dan kakak aku dulu. Kita semua sepakat, cakap nak bela mak, nak sayamg mak, balik kerja akan cari mak..tapi sayang, aisha tak mampu nak pujuk hati-hati abang yg terleka dek dunia.  Waktu kita kecil dulu, bangah, bancik selalu sebut..adik lahir waktu arwah ...

Rindu ann sampai demam........ Masa first time berpisah ngn ann, masa tu aisha tumpang rumah kakak dekat pjya, dia blok sebelah. Stay dengan mak, and abg dia.. Waktu 3 pagi terjaga, buka phone, tgk gambar lepak dgn ann. kata je mana masa tu,..Bangi, kajang, cyberjaya, pjaya smpi naik boat dekat Presint 3 tu.. hmm that was the moment that i could feel the attachment. Aisha tak penah feel attachment mcm tu dengan mana2 kawan, dari dia zaman kanak2 sampai la dewasa. Ann adalah yg first. Dah berapa tahun aisha tak jumpa ann? Almost setahun mungkin. Last masa wayang #adiwiraku. Its so hard to tell your heart that u can hold this but actually u cant.