aishasaad

I guess i love this girl.  Aren't they sooooo compatible each other? past 3 days, i mengigau.. pastu.. i mcm nampak muka changmin kat siling bilik i. and then i nampak muka dia yg tersipu2 malu tu... hahahhaha bodoh yet sweet la mimpi tu. and then.. i ambik phone nak snap muka si pak amin ni. tanggg! henpon jatuh kat muka. ok. sambung tido balik.   we always hang out like always..  lips color code: Red Granite

When i was younger, i have tremendous of emotions and i will write about it with mixed feelings. Sometimes, i was writing furiously on my diary, sometimes i was weeping very hard. and till some point, i have become so exhausted. and i'm getting older. and i'm becoming more calm i guess. There were many hurdles since mom got the second stroke and i was like.. really alone getting through this. besides that i know Allah is with me.. but.. yeah.. i was thinking to get married before i reach 30. which is this year.. but, i guess i cant. and i'm becoming more calm..getting to know that its impossible for me to have certain phase in my life. I'm glad that i can avoiding those guys and becoming more eloquent to say that i cant be with em. Which.. sometimes.. i do.. fell like really .. like wanted to spend all of my life as a foster mom and wanted to die early. I'll make a research on what Rasulullah have taught us on certain prayers. I'll pray that i'll...

What i've learnt along the way in implication of the good deeds are ,... you must be respectful to the one that u would help. Whether u speak kimdly or arrogantly.. You choose.. You are kind but.. You belittle me. I take that as a challenge. You are kind but... Your act are showing that ur craving more on people attention not pleasing the God. You are kind... In front of the people only. But when we are two, i know that ur not genuine. U are way older than me, i should take care of you someday, but i guess.. u dont need me. maybe i just take care of u from afar.

One of the reason aku masuk finance, aku suka write up.. dan suka cerita tentang duit. haha .. padahal duit sendiri pon tak banyak, tapi aku suka ilmu.. aku suka bfm..sbb bfm best.. apart of boring songs, content dia terrbaik. Ikim is the num one.. nothing can beat that station, lagi2 pagi kan ada DJ pyann. dgr celoteh dia, nasihat dia .. i guess once being a saunana's fan, always be their fans! So its normal that my old and ex friemds asked me, bila nak kawen.. Bila nak ada anak.. Truth is guys.. my life is different to you.. ye aku tau ko pon keje, nak jaga anak blablablaa.. My life is 110% dedicated to my mom. last month, mak jatuh bilik air., mak mmg dah paralyzed area kiri dalam 5 tahun.. Bila mak jatuh tu, mak dah jd mcm paralyzed satu badan. As i remember, i didnt devastated that much, but i kept crying while driving. seeing my mom cant breath (hardly breathe) made me so sad but deep in my heart, i am ready to let her go to Allah swt Subhanallah. mak panjang ...

Mak2 patut menjaga kesihatan dpd muda. bukan hanya utk kelihatan cantik..  Tapi lebih dpd itu..  Itu yang aku belajar setelah 4-5 hari dekat Hosp ni.. aku sedih tengok mak2 yang sakit kencing manis, kaki berdarah, bernanah, obese yng mmg tahap serius, anak2 masih 7, 8 tahun.. Allahuakbar.. Boleh bayang tak anak tu nak pursue impian dia mcm mana?  aku faham.. aku sedih sangat bila aku tgk adik2 ni kena lalui sedangkan dia terlalu muda. Aku boleh faham sbb aku banyak lepaskan impian aku waktu aku remaja dlu. Mak tak ada kencing manis yang sampai kritikal waktu aku zaman sekolah. Tapi mak ada masalah depresi.  Mak lepaskan depressed mak dgn makan. mak makan dgn tak terkawal waktu aku start Tingkatan 2 sampai aku masuk Kolej Islam. waktu tu aku 19 tahun kot.. dia proceed smpi aku 20.. aku decide aku nak lose weight masatu, sbb aku berat 80kg time tu. gila. hahaha. Sebenarnya aku pon depressed time tu, aku dah lupakan apa yg berlaku waktu yg tak best ...

Social media is my opponent right now.  especially instagram.  banned..  I felt so lonely when i saw my friends had a blast in their life when they got someone special and plan to get married.  Its normal rite? because i am a human being.. have a tendency to be loved and loved. and it makes me sad thinking how rigid my life is..  and i talk to my girlfriend.. kak zie.. which is very passionate talking about TVXQ. Well actually we got a clash of interest.. which i like Taylor swift of all time and she's with TVXQ. its okey, but our conversation became really weird and it didnt continuosly flow like others. So it went like, omg tay got a curves now and she's a hottie!! and she's like.. what? she should gain more and started to complain her appearance..waittt..what???.. and it went like.. dont talk about my baby like that! -.-  and lately i watch tvxq most. (i'm so sorry taytay..i do this because of friendship)  It all starts ...

My mom got stroke when i was 23, and i was so immersed into 'how i can get rich' when i was younger..  If only i can explain to my old me that time, that you should learn this, u should equipped urself with this book. Recall this surah. Make this as ur habit!  If only my thoughts was how to be like an islamic scholar and live a better life. Not with those hanky panky silly trends.. but Allah loves me, He made me into who i am today.. Yes, i made mistakes too. My brothers did it too. others did it too.  Just because i always on my mum side, doesn't mean that i'm much better than everyone.  I lose my temper too.. sometimes.. and it hurts me, myself...the most afflicted is my mom..she was broken hearted.  I forgive them, and i forgive myself..and i won't hurt my mom's feeling ever again. and others as well. If it looks like i'm the only one who hurts, then..let it be. Allah will heal my heart eventually and it happened a lot actually. Its...