aishasaad

So yesterday, i did something bad. Sebenarnya, aku pon pelik..In what perception that people used to call me someone that can inspire others? Dira letak nama anak dia 'aishah', in commemorating my strengths katanya. Wan kama letak nama anak dia aishah, akak tgkt 12, i already forget her name, letak aishah too. Akak nak dia jd mcm awak. No. its derived from saidatina aishah. siti aishah is no one. But i just kept quite.   I get so overwhelmed by mom's emotion. That's what i've been telling my closed friends that, i'm so afraid of my ending.  Can u imagine that i'll die in tragic ways after struggling so hard to cope with everything and at last. I got none...?  That's the problem. That's the problem. People used to have kind of perception that i am doing so well everytime. Jaga mak sakit ini, bukan senang. I have to handle housechores, my assignments, exams, urut mak setiap kali dia sakit, oh that's not include that she got sick...

Deaths shouldnt get a happy reaction for all of us. Regardless of our faiths (religion). and so, Kim Jong Hyun was found dead on 18 dec, leaving the Kpop fans mourning and devastated.  If only he knew that his life is not end on top of the pitfalls.  If only he knew what ties that will keep his safe and calm.  If he knew that.  Depression can kill.  I was depressed too. I was tragically depressed. And people around me took advantage on that, made me as a scapegoat. Then, i realized. I need to control myself, help myself. Others can do NOTHING.  Even i am a muslim, was born with Islam, I struggle so hard to find eternity. and this success is only when i remember Him.  Malay culture is the worst, compared with my chinese, indians friends on HSBC. Oh, let alone my malay friends on HSBC. They were really genuine.  But, i'm talking of the general issue of malays.  Orang berjaya lebih sikit, caras! Depan2 baik, pi...

Aku adalah anak bongsu, lahir dpd keluarga tak tidak bahagia. Waktu lagu "keluarga bahagia " berkumandang di tv, radio..aku sering berdoa pada Allah. 'Ya Allah, cepatlah hamba membesar..hidup sbg seorang anak yg sering dipukul, didera, terlalu perit. Hidup kami umpama hambanya abdi' cuma tak dijemur bawah terik matahari je time tu. Tapi bila tetkenang waktu skg, aku rasakan itu umpama mimpi. Tapi, aku untung, mak ada di sisi.. Jadi lagu "senyuman ibunda.. Kasih yg dibawa, ikatan terbina. Wujudlah keluarga bahagia, oh bahagia" Oh ya, lagu itu sangat relevan bg aku.  Pada waktu itu, aku jd bersemangat utk membesar sbg anak yg berjaya. Yang akan membela nasib mak ketika tua.. Sama seperti abang-abang dan kakak aku dulu. Kita semua sepakat, cakap nak bela mak, nak sayamg mak, balik kerja akan cari mak..tapi sayang, aisha tak mampu nak pujuk hati-hati abang yg terleka dek dunia.  Waktu kita kecil dulu, bangah, bancik selalu sebut..adik lahir waktu arwah ...

Rindu ann sampai demam........ Masa first time berpisah ngn ann, masa tu aisha tumpang rumah kakak dekat pjya, dia blok sebelah. Stay dengan mak, and abg dia.. Waktu 3 pagi terjaga, buka phone, tgk gambar lepak dgn ann. kata je mana masa tu,..Bangi, kajang, cyberjaya, pjaya smpi naik boat dekat Presint 3 tu.. hmm that was the moment that i could feel the attachment. Aisha tak penah feel attachment mcm tu dengan mana2 kawan, dari dia zaman kanak2 sampai la dewasa. Ann adalah yg first. Dah berapa tahun aisha tak jumpa ann? Almost setahun mungkin. Last masa wayang #adiwiraku. Its so hard to tell your heart that u can hold this but actually u cant.

For everyday lives, we meet and we interact. Sama ada senyum, sembang atau angkat kening sambil menghirup nescafe bersama rakan2.  Tiap kali turun pegi lobby, ramai sgt aweks yg cun. Tak masuk lg dkt second floor, ada ramai lg pilihan (tangible items),. sebab aisha selalu teman khairi yg mana satu terbaik utk dia. Dari segi pemilihan kasut, cara jalan, outfit, confidence level, expression and everything. Its one of the most great thing to do. dan salah satu nya sumber yg aisha jumpa ialah vt dari peserta nona manis, tajuk yg serupa. Di mata mereka wanita tak semestinya cantik umpama model, tapi kebanykan dorang akan mengambil kira sikap perempuan tu sendiri. Mungkin betul kot sebab sam bunkface rileks jer dengan aida, sebab aida kan ada value ;pandai, petite, kaya, power. Tak semua lelaki pandang rupa.  Yang menariknya, seorang lelaki ni dia kata semua perempuan cantik, cuma yg membezakan dorang ialah rajin atau malas.   Jadi, perempuan tak per...

kami bukan seperti joe phlizzow dan malique. kami hanya lah an dan aisha.  So nanti kan, kalau aisha pindah KL. huhuh. hmm takde kot cenggini. Plan utk pindah kerja dan menetap di area sana mmg ada. Cuma, tawaran tu lah. Tak kunjung tiba lagi. An ni kaki auta. yang si aisha ni kaki sambung. memang layan ah. Duduk kat mamak 3 jam pon mmg rilek jer. Pastu minah ni plak tak attach dgn telefon, mmg geng ah.. Kafe buka order utk makanan pkul 7pm, tapi ktorg datang lepak pkul 5pm.. lps tu boleh minum air jer. An pulak mintak nuget ayam, frenchfries, keropok lekor, pisang goreng.. mana ada mnde alah tu.. tak wujud dalam penswastaan menu dorang pon. Lagi2 dorg kata boleh order air je kan? hmm an an. Ini mmg sgt an. Lagi pon, kitorg banyak bnde boleh share. Kitorg dekat2 dapat gelaran maksu. Kitorg buat degree sama2. tapi U lain. Aisha finance, An accounting. Tahap serius nya an ni berbelanja ialah, dia sangat organized! Beza rm0.10 antara speedmart dg...

I met a frend, who get married in 29 years. He is my officemate, his name is Iqbal. Just because all of them  have many experiences in term of work and life. I respect them as my seniors. He said, aku kawen masa 29 tahun. aku tak sure nak kawen masa tu. tapi aku kena push ngn bini aku. (masa tu kawan tp mesra). aku rasa. Ada org pinang dia. dia cakap 'awak nak kawen ngn saya tak? kalau tak sy kawen dgn org lain'.  Hari2 dia push aku. 'nak kawen ngn sy tak?' aku pn stress.  kesiaann.hehe yes u can bebeh.