aishasaad

So yesterday, i did something bad. Sebenarnya, aku pon pelik..In what perception that people used to call me someone that can inspire others? Dira letak nama anak dia 'aishah', in commemorating my strengths katanya. Wan kama letak nama anak dia aishah, akak tgkt 12, i already forget her name, letak aishah too. Akak nak dia jd mcm awak. No. its derived from saidatina aishah. siti aishah is no one. But i just kept quite.   I get so overwhelmed by mom's emotion. That's what i've been telling my closed friends that, i'm so afraid of my ending.  Can u imagine that i'll die in tragic ways after struggling so hard to cope with everything and at last. I got none...?  That's the problem. That's the problem. People used to have kind of perception that i am doing so well everytime. Jaga mak sakit ini, bukan senang. I have to handle housechores, my assignments, exams, urut mak setiap kali dia sakit, oh that's not include that she got sick...

Deaths shouldnt get a happy reaction for all of us. Regardless of our faiths (religion). and so, Kim Jong Hyun was found dead on 18 dec, leaving the Kpop fans mourning and devastated.  If only he knew that his life is not end on top of the pitfalls.  If only he knew what ties that will keep his safe and calm.  If he knew that.  Depression can kill.  I was depressed too. I was tragically depressed. And people around me took advantage on that, made me as a scapegoat. Then, i realized. I need to control myself, help myself. Others can do NOTHING.  Even i am a muslim, was born with Islam, I struggle so hard to find eternity. and this success is only when i remember Him.  Malay culture is the worst, compared with my chinese, indians friends on HSBC. Oh, let alone my malay friends on HSBC. They were really genuine.  But, i'm talking of the general issue of malays.  Orang berjaya lebih sikit, caras! Depan2 baik, pi...

Aku adalah anak bongsu, lahir dpd keluarga tak tidak bahagia. Waktu lagu "keluarga bahagia " berkumandang di tv, radio..aku sering berdoa pada Allah. 'Ya Allah, cepatlah hamba membesar..hidup sbg seorang anak yg sering dipukul, didera, terlalu perit. Hidup kami umpama hambanya abdi' cuma tak dijemur bawah terik matahari je time tu. Tapi bila tetkenang waktu skg, aku rasakan itu umpama mimpi. Tapi, aku untung, mak ada di sisi.. Jadi lagu "senyuman ibunda.. Kasih yg dibawa, ikatan terbina. Wujudlah keluarga bahagia, oh bahagia" Oh ya, lagu itu sangat relevan bg aku.  Pada waktu itu, aku jd bersemangat utk membesar sbg anak yg berjaya. Yang akan membela nasib mak ketika tua.. Sama seperti abang-abang dan kakak aku dulu. Kita semua sepakat, cakap nak bela mak, nak sayamg mak, balik kerja akan cari mak..tapi sayang, aisha tak mampu nak pujuk hati-hati abang yg terleka dek dunia.  Waktu kita kecil dulu, bangah, bancik selalu sebut..adik lahir waktu arwah ...