aishasaad

Social media is my opponent right now.  especially instagram.  banned..  I felt so lonely when i saw my friends had a blast in their life when they got someone special and plan to get married.  Its normal rite? because i am a human being.. have a tendency to be loved and loved. and it makes me sad thinking how rigid my life is..  and i talk to my girlfriend.. kak zie.. which is very passionate talking about TVXQ. Well actually we got a clash of interest.. which i like Taylor swift of all time and she's with TVXQ. its okey, but our conversation became really weird and it didnt continuosly flow like others. So it went like, omg tay got a curves now and she's a hottie!! and she's like.. what? she should gain more and started to complain her appearance..waittt..what???.. and it went like.. dont talk about my baby like that! -.-  and lately i watch tvxq most. (i'm so sorry taytay..i do this because of friendship)  It all starts ...

My mom got stroke when i was 23, and i was so immersed into 'how i can get rich' when i was younger..  If only i can explain to my old me that time, that you should learn this, u should equipped urself with this book. Recall this surah. Make this as ur habit!  If only my thoughts was how to be like an islamic scholar and live a better life. Not with those hanky panky silly trends.. but Allah loves me, He made me into who i am today.. Yes, i made mistakes too. My brothers did it too. others did it too.  Just because i always on my mum side, doesn't mean that i'm much better than everyone.  I lose my temper too.. sometimes.. and it hurts me, myself...the most afflicted is my mom..she was broken hearted.  I forgive them, and i forgive myself..and i won't hurt my mom's feeling ever again. and others as well. If it looks like i'm the only one who hurts, then..let it be. Allah will heal my heart eventually and it happened a lot actually. Its...

If marriage is a total shipwreck, Nabi wouldnt get married. My friend, whom took granted on her parents. Her mom died, and his dad keep on living , be loved by the grandchild in this life.. and yet, she got married with an imam and a successful man. My friend, whom chose her friends beside her parients already had a blissful party at the beach and heard that she's pursuing her doctorate. While i, let fo of the people that i love, let go the moments that i burn, leave everything just like that. I wonder what Allah has prepared for me.. Ya allah.. i cant imagine how Gracious You Are.. I keep on going. even my shoulders are sprained. My back is hurt, my stomach is swollen, i cant wait to meet U one day My Lord.. please please..