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I'm in this phase now.

Mom got sick when I was pretty young. I was 23. People couldn't believed that I didnt and don't  have a boyfriend. Way before mom got stroke, mom already had many difficulties and she always sick. So, I was the only child stayed beside her and helped her. 

So I had no ample time to go out with friends. I didn't have teens life actually. Never had a trip. Never had a camping. Never had those things. My ever first trip when I was working with PBLT. We went to Langkawi and we took cruise. Wuuuu. I hit the jackpot. That was the last enjoyment that I had while working. Masuk HSBC. Neraka. Masuk Malakoff...hmmm entah. Tapi best la juga. Alhamdulillah. Dengar cerita dulu orang Malakoff lagi gila. Company trip pergi China/jepun wei. Gilloo. 

When I was 23 to 24, I started join HSBC. Time Tue macam bangga la kununn. Bangga dgn diri sendiri. My parents were proud of me too. Masatu boat, nekad nak belajar Brock stocks nak itu nak ini. Ah macam². Tapi bila dah masuk...hmmmm tak semua orang boleh kerja di bidang ini ya. Things were tough, and I had to pick up very fast. 8 bulan balik 1am, akhirnya aku akui aku tak layak kerja ni. Aku resign tanpa back up plan dan dapat mana² offer. Bila masa nak pegi interview, kerja pun huru hara. 

One thing when I was young. I was very ambitious. Tak salah. Tapi...kita kena tahu mana tahap kemampuan kita. Don't push yourself too hard. 

So when I was young. I was busy shaping up my career and spend myself with my parents. I'd cook for my dad everyday, I started do that when I was 13. Ambil alih tugas mak. I cook, I clean. Everything. Mak ayah lepak jer. Those days...I said to myself. I'm gonna do what I'd thought this is good. Because I know.. I can't help to cherish em with my reward in academics. It was true. I wasn't a bright student. Aku stadi jer tapi aku average, tak pandai sangat. Taklah bodoh. Haha. Tapi bila Aku ingat balik. Aku gembira. I made a right thing. 

One of the reason I never had a bf bcz I really had hard time to shape myself, really had time with parents. Aku mna ada kawan sangat, Dan benda Tu sehingga ke harini. 

Aku ingat arwah ayah tanya aku masa aku nak gerak balik cyberjaya masa Tu.. Aisha dah ada pakwe? Sambil senyum. 

Aku pndang ayah dengan serius..kalau ada boleh ke? 

Ayah Aku nampak happy. Aiih boleh la! 

Msalahnya HSBC ramai Chinese der. Adalah gitu² tapi ssh kalau beza akidah ni. 

Masuk Malakoff semua suami orang. 

Ada masa aku fikir..boleh ke aku menikah ni? Tapi serial Kali keraguan itu menghempap hati aku..

Aku akan teringat kisah Nabi Allah Zakariya yang berpuluh tahun berdoa pada Allah utk mempunyai zuriat. Nabi zakariya berdoa tanpa jemu, tak pernah persoalkan bila bantuan Allah Akan sampai. Tak pernah. Sehingga rambut Nabi zakariya penuh dengan uban . Allah perintahkan utk Malaikat Jibrail datang beritau bahawa siti Sarah akan mengandung. Siti Sarah pun dah tua, 80an masatu. Sehingga bila siti Sarah tertawa kecil bila dengar perbualan yang dia akan pregnant, san tandanya adalah Nabi zakariya tak boleh bercakap selama beberapa hari. 

Malaikat Jibrail tegur Nabi zakariya, Tu..isteri kau tengah ketawa skg ni. Namakan anak kau bernama Yahya. Tak pernah ada hamba Allah sbm ni bernama Yahya. 

Itulah kisahnya. I've come to a stage where my girls are all married. I'm the only only one left and I started to call myself as acik/aunty/ibu because I really wanna have that moment as a mother. 



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